Notable Quotables 2000
For 1998 quote of the week click here. For 1999 quote of
the week click here.
For
the week of December 31, 2000
On a philosophy of life:
"You can't have everything.
Where would you put it?"
Stephen Wright
For the week of December 24, 2000
Whether
or not you believe that 2001 begins the new millennium the following is
curious. In 1555, Nostradamus wrote:
"Come the millennium, month twelve,
In the home of greatest power, The village idiot will come forth To be acclaimed the leader."
For
the week of December 17, 2000
This week's quote comes to us from the comedian Lily
Tomlin
The trouble with the rat race is that
even if you win, you are
still a rat."
For the week of December 10, 2000
With politics in the headlines, this week we have several quotes form the political arena.
From Sir Boyle Roche, eighteenth-century member of Parliament from Tralee, noted for his word mangling comes the following quote appropriate to our national election:
At present there are no such goings-on that everything is at a standstill.
And now from Richard Darman, director of the Office of Management and Budget, explaining why President Bush wasn't following up on his campaign pledge that there would be no loss of wetlands:
He didn't say that. He read what was given to him in a speech.
For the week of December 3, 2000
With "electile dysfunction" continuing to dominate the news. Here is a quote from Al Gore attacking former president George Bush.
A zebra cannot change its spots.
One more political quote this week from Marion Barry, former mayor of Washington, D.C.
I'm one of those mayors whose management style is to allow free and unlimited debate up to a point.
Thanksgiving Quote
Jeff Smith, aka The Frugal Gourmet, reportedly read this on the air.
Apparently a letter from a viewer
"I have had my turkey in the freezer for a year and a half.
Will it take longer to thaw?"
For the week of November 19, 2000
In light of the presidential election comes today's
quote attributed to Jake Eberts
My indecision is final.
For the week of November 11, 2000
With all the turmoil surrounding the US
Presidential Election,
remember that we live in a democracy.
With that in mind, comes today's quote:
In Communism man exploits man.
In Capitalism it is the
other way around.
Source unknown.
For the week of November 4, 2000
From a Washington Post story about a Clinton administration proposal to declassify documents.
"The predicate here is greater openness, " asserted a White House official who asked not to be identified.
For the week of October 29, 2000
With the elections only a 10 days away this week we return to some of the infamous political quotes of the past. Today's quote comes from a member of Presidents Clinton's staff:
If we don't make some changes,
the status quo will remain the same.
(It does sound as if this staff member is right on target for the 2000 presidential election.)
For the week of October 22, 2000
Taking a break from the political scene, this week's quote comes from the baseball great Casey Stengel:
Well, the feller I got on there is hitting pretty good and I know he can make the throw and if he don't make it, that other feller I got coming up has shown me a lot and if her can't, I have my guy and I know what he can do.
On the other hand, the guy's not around now. And well, this guy may be able to do it against left handers if my guy isn't strong enough. But I know one of my guys is going to do it.
For the week of October 15, 2000
Continuing
with our political theme before the election comes a quote from Charles
Peacock,
former director of Madison Guaranty, justifying his writing of a check to
Clinton's reelection campaign:
I'm a
politician, and as a politician,
I have the prerogative to lie whenever I want.
For the week of October 8, 2000
With election
day approaching a series of political quotes seem appropriate.
Here's comes one from former President George Bush
responding to Colorado governor Roy Romer:
All I
was doing was appealing for an endorsement,
not suggesting you endorse it.
For the week of October 1, 2000
With the baseball
playoffs approaching and there are bound to be lots of predictions,
we are reminded of Yogi Berra's quote:
How
can you say this and that
when this and that hasn't happened yet?
For the week of September 24, 2000
This headline appeared on 1/3/2000 in the Houston Chronicle online:
Death Row Prisoners
Launch Hunger Strike
For the week of September 17, 2000
From state department spokesperson Bernard Kalb, who had just announced his New Year's resolution to be "candid, frank, useful and constructive," responding to the first question from a reporter:
I have nothing that I can offer you on that.
For the week of September 10, 2000
Here is a true successes story with built in success :)
From Actor Woody Harrelson
My main hope for myself is to be where I am.
For the week of September 3, 2000
This week we welcome a new season of professional football.
Today's series of quotes come from the
world of the gridiron.
From Jimmy
Johnson, former quarterback for the University of Illinois,
while discussing his plans for the upcoming season:
I'm
going to give 110 percent on every play.
You can't give and more than that!
On whether or not weather can effect a big game comes the following interaction.
Reporter:
Do you think it's going to rain?
Bill Peterson (Florida State
coach):
What do you think I am? A geologist?
From a Miami Dolphins Sportscaster during a football game.
Paul Warfield ran a
beautiful post pattern,
putting his body between himself and the defenders.
From Ray Perkins, Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach, discussing kicker Gary Anderson:
He' a great player.
He ceases to amaze me every day.
For the week of August 27, 2000
From Collingham Parish Magazine:
Harewood Christian
Discussion Group:
We shall be meeting on Wednesday, 11th April, when the subject will be,
"Heaven: How do we get there?"
Transport is available at 7:55 PM from the bus stop opposite the Harewood Arms.
For the week of August 20, 2000
With the success of Tiger Woods there is revitalized
interest in golf.
The following quote comes from golfer Johnny Miller:
I don't think anywhere is
there a symbiotic
relationship between caddie and player
like there is in golf.
For the week of August 13, 2000
With the democratic convention being held in Los Angeles this week we have a quote form Representative Tony Coelho, democrat from California
Women
prefer Democrats to men.
For
the week of August 6, 2000
With the Republican convention ending this past week
we are reminded of a quote
from former President George Bush as he was addressing Colorado governor Roy
Romer
All I was doing was appealing for an endorsement, not suggesting you endorse it.
For
the week of July 30, 2000
Once again comes a quote from the "truth or fiction"
file.
It has been reported that when Microsoft was working
on the memory management in the original DOS, Bill Gates said:
No one will ever need more than 640K of RAM.
For the week of July 23, 2000
With hot temperatures throughout much of the United States we are reminded by this weeks quote of the week from Richard Allinson on Capitol Radio.
It has been on of the warmest 1994's this century.
For the week of July 16, 2000
From the North Devon Journal in the United Kingdom comes this week's headline news:
Flashers will be exposed, pledge police
For the week of July 9, 2000
This week's quote is brought to you by the Portland Oregonian (newspaper)
reporting on a volcano in Iceland.
No
one was in danger from the eruption;
the sparsely populated region is uninhabited.
For the week of July 2, 2000
Please do not
drink and drive this holiday time.
The following quote comes from the Hull Daily Mail.
There can
be no excuse for drinking
under the influence of alcohol.
For the week of June 25, 2000
From the Oops file
comes this week's quote which appeared
in a Warrenton, Virginia newspaper:
IMPORTANT NOTICE:
If you are one of the hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our "Easy Sky Diving" book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line7, the words "state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord." We regret if your parachuting jump occurred prior to making this correction.
(Last line added at the discretion of the web master.)
For the week of June 18, 2000
As the end of
another school year is upon us administrators are already preparing for the next year.
The following is a notice that was presented to Kentucky teachers in 1924.
It was respectfully submitted by T.J. Leathers, Superintendent.
All teachers seem to have the wrong conception of the course of study about teaching the grades. I say to all teachers that "All grades are to be taught every year." Do not quibble about this with your patrons. It must be as I say.
The Odd Grades as Major Grades and Even Grades as Minor Grades to be taught in Even Years. And the Even Grades as Major Grades and the Odd Grades as Minor Grades in the Odd Years.
For the week of June 11, 2000
Shaquille O'Neal,
the 2000 NBA Most Valuable Player,
has lead the Los Angeles Lakers to a 2 game lead in the NBA finals.
This week's quote comes from Shaq after signing a seven-year,
$121 million contract with the Lakers.
As
a basketball fan, I get sick and tired
of people talking about numbers.
To me, the world is getting too materialistic.
For the week of June 4, 2000
The basketball
playoffs march on and this week's quote comes from playoffs of the past.
From Boston Celtics coach Chris Ford on his team's outlook for the playoffs
I think we're capable of going exactly as far as we go.
For the week of May 28, 2000
With the
basketball playoffs in full swing and with a flare for the obvious,
comes the following quote from Doug Collins, a basketball commentator:
Any time Detroit scores more that 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win!
For the week of May 21, 2000
With the Republicans scrambling to find another U.S. Senate candidate from New York, comes the following quote from a previous race for a senate seat when Senator Christopher Dodd, Democratic Committee co-chairman, was unable to recall the name of candidate Elliot Close, who was going to run for the South Carolina senatorial position against Republican incumbent Senator Strom Thurmond
We've got
a strong candidate.
I'm trying to think of his name.
For the week of May 14, 2000
The following ad in Manhattan Today for the Bronx Zoo is a fitting one for today's Mother's Day Holiday.
One free child with the purchase of a full-price admission
For the week of May 7, 2000
From the Category of Dining Delights comes this week's
quote
from a Chinese restaurant in Palm Harbor, Florida
Jumbo shrimp sautéed with
ginger
and onions in Szechwan sauce.
Hardly recommended
For the week of April 30, 2000
Handgun
legislation has been a recent political item.
This week's quote comes from Representative Avery Alexander (democrat from New Orleans).
While debating gun control in the Louisiana Legislature he stated,
I don't know anyone here that's been killed with a handgun.
For the week of April 23, 2000
Today's quote is from a QVC "host," while describing a gold cross being sold on the air.
Perfect for the Easter and Passover Seasons.
For the week of April 16, 2000
From the page-s-day calendar "stupidest things ever said comes today's quote from President Richard Nixon, in May 1971, describing his criteria for a new IRS commissioner, as quoted in Newsweek.
I want to be sure he is a ruthless son of a bitch, that he will do what he's told, that every income-tax return I want to see I see, that he will go after our enemies and not our friends. Now, it's as simple as that. If he isn't, he doesn't get the job.
For the week of April 8, 2000
In the 1960's Candid Camera did a stunt where motorists on the New Jersey Turnpike were stopped and informed that New Jersey turnpike was closed. This week's quote is from a notice on a government building in Newark, New Jersey is in the same vein.
The State of New Jersey has moved four blocks west.
For the week of April 1, 2000
Perhaps the ultimate of foolishness is when we inadvertently make fools of ourselves.
This week's quote is in that vein.From former President Reagan, complaining about Screen Actors' Guild president Ed Asner speaking out on U.S. Foreign policy
What does an actor know about politics?
For the week of March 19, 2000
For all of you who
are basketball fans, you know that we are in the free throws of March Madness.
Today's quote is offered in the spirit of college basketball.
From Hugh Durham, University of Georgia basketball coach:
It's not how good you can play when you play good.
It's how good you play when you play bad, and we can play as bad as anyone in the country.
For
the week of March 12, 2000
As the
politicians vie for position in this election year, we will offer a host of political
quotes. Today's quote comes from an unnamed U.S. official as quoted in Newsday,
January 11, 1991. I am sure this instills confidence in our elected officials.
We lie by
not telling you things...
We don't lie by telling you things that aren't true.
For the week of March 5, 2000
With the opening of Baseball's Spring season comes a quote from former L.A Dodgers Pitcher, Bob Ojeda
We've been working on the basics because, basically, we've been having trouble with the basics.
For the week of February 27, 2000
In an election
year with primaries occurring across the U.S
let us not forget the words of former vice-president Dan Quayle:
A
low voter turnout is an indication of
fewer people going to the polls.
For the week of February 20, 2000
It is hard to imagine that this quote is true, but it is worth sharing either way.
Monica Lewinsky on CNN's Larry King Live discussing her miraculous Jenny Craig weight-loss:
"I've learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me"
For the week of February 13, 2000
From the wisdom of former President Gerald Ford
When a man
is asked to make a speech,
the first thing he has to decide is what to say.
For the week of
February 6, 2000
With the political campaigns heating up, this week we take a look at a political quote. I hope that this quote is not foreshadowing what is to come from the presidential campaign. From Secret Servicemen Vincent Charles while explaining why security was heightened around the White House:
The White House has always attracted the mentally ill.
For the week of January 30, 2000
With the Super Bowl being played today the following quote from September's "Quote of the Week" deserves repetition. This quote is from Former Houston Oiler and Florida State Coach Bill Peterson.
(For those of you who do not know, the Tennessee Titans who are playing in the Super Bowl were once known as the Houston Oilers.)
Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season.
One word and one word only: Super Bowl.
For the week of January 23, 2000
With the Super Bowl approaching this week's quote is from NBC sportscaster Charles Jones referencing the quarterback who masterminded one of the greatest Super Bowl upsets.
Joe Namath is 20 yards underweight.
For the week of January 16, 2000
With the football playoffs in full swing, this week we take a look at the modesty of professional football players. From Jerry Rice, considered one of the greatest receivers of all time comes the following:
I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that.
For the week of January 9, 2000
January brings ski season for many of you, and this week's quote comes from Cousin Duffy, during a ski report on WMEX
And there's a chance of snow mixed with snow later tonight.
For
the week of January 2, 1900 (Oops; a little Y2K humor)
From former President Gerald Ford as we enter a new millennium this quote is as true today as it was then ;)
Things are more like they are now than they have ever been before
Do you have a favorite funny quote???
If so share it with us for possible inclusion in the Quote of the Week.
Humor Matters™
