HumorMatterstm

Bumper Stickers-Always Growing

While I do not print material that many will find offensive, some of you may be offended by some of the bumper stickers below. I hope you read them in the spirit of fun.

We do not sell bumper stickers.  
However, you can find an assortment of bumper stickers at:  
www.thebumperbanner.com   or   www.stickergiant.com

Categories

Uncategorized-----Education-----Holidays
Language-----Life-----Views on  Life People-----Ponderings-----Relationships
Religion-----Science-----Sports-----Sex
Word Play----Insulting to Someone

Bumper Stickers Uncategorized

Where there's a will ... I want to be in it. 

I took an IQ test and the results were negative. 

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

A day without sunshine is, like, night.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The buck doesn't even slow down here!

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

|||||||//////__ __ __ __ __ The domino effect at work.

Shin - Device for finding furniture in the dark

Which is the non-smoking lifeboat? 

It said 'Insert disk #3', but only two will fit.

I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage.

Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.

Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.

     Bumper Stickers on Education
    
     As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
    
      F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM!

Eschew obfuscation.

  Bumper Stickers related to Holidays

Bumper Stickers related to Language

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.

Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.

Air Pollution is a mist-demeaner.

Ground Beef: A Cow With No Legs!

Editing is a rewording activity.

Bumper stickers about Life

Life is sexually transmitted.

Never take life seriously.
Nobody gets out alive, anyway

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

When you're finally holding all the cards,
why does everyone else decide to play chess?

Never knock on Death's door:
Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).

I don't have a problem with willpower.
It's won't power I have a problem with

My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot.

We do precision guesswork.

Nothing's impossible for those who don't have to do it.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

Advice is free: The right answer will cost plenty.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Keep honking, I'm reloading.

WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Anything free is worth what you pay for it

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

Gene Police: YOU!! Out of the pool!

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.

My reality check just bounced.

Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.

Oh, no! Not ANOTHER learning experience!

Bumper Stickers Views of Life

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. 

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

Remember half the people you know are below average.

Despite the cost of living, it's still popular.

Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

My mind is like a steel trap: rusty and illegal in 37 states.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and driving against traffic.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

All good things in moderation ..... including moderation

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

43.3% of statistics are meaningless!

Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
    
     You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

   Help wanted telepathy: you know where to apply
    
    Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now.
       
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
    
     Forget about World Peace...Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

    Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
    
     Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling too good myself.
    
     We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
    
    Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
    
     Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
    
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
    
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Bumper stickers about People

Problem with the gene pool ...... no lifeguard.

Dyslexics have more fnu.

Dyslexics of the world, untie.

Clones are people two.

Bumper sticker Ponderings

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live. 

We are born naked, wet, and hungry.... Then things get worse. 

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Quantum mechanics: The stuff dreams are made of.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

Bumper Stickers on Relationships

Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home. 

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! 

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. 

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, and sometimes I let him sleep!"
Submitted by fellow net surfer Karen

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
    
     So you're a feminist... Isn't that cute!
    
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
    
All men are idiots... I married their king.
    
     Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

     Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

     Bumper Stickers on Religion

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I can resist anything but temptation

God must love stupid people, he made so many.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Bumper Stickers on Science

     Entropy isn't what it used to be.

Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!

186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW.

Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Bumper Stickers related to Sports

Jesus saves, passes to Moses; shoots, SCORES!

Bumper Stickers related to Sex

Kids in the back seat cause accidents;
Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

If you smoke after sex, your doing it too fast.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

     My kid had sex with your honor student.

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.

If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help.

Word Play

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your    principles.

Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?

Insulting to Someone

If you think talk is cheap, try hiring a lawyer.

Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!

A.A.A.A.A. - An organization for drunks who drive.

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you! 

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole. 

100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest? 

Jesus is coming! Look busy!

 You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT. 

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. 

Out of my mind ... Back in five minutes. 

Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. 

Honk If You Want To See My Finger!

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