Just in time of the 2008 Election

Political Humor
This is not meant to offend but some of you may be offended
Especially the Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Whigs, Tories and the Rest

I was just wondering...

When will this political crap be over?

 At a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas, Barack Obama asked the audience for total quiet.

In order to illustrate the seriousness of gun use in the US in he broke the silence, with slow and deliberate clapping of his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.

Then he said into the microphone, "Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence."

 Then, little Richard Earl,  with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said: "Well, stop clapping!

Now a Little Political Correctness

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America , 
Kentuckians, Carolinians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.'

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK'
She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not a 'SCREAMER' or a 'MOANER' 
She is 'VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.'

3. She is not 'EASY'
 She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

4. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE'
She is a 'LIGHT- HAIRED'

5. She has not 'BEEN AROUND'
She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

6. She is not an 'AIRHEAD' 
She is 'REALITY IMPAIRED.'

7. She does not get 'DRUNK' or 'TIPSY' 
She gets 'CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED'

8. She does not have 'BREAST IMPLANTS'
She is 'MEDICALLY ENHANCED.'

9. She does not 'NAG' you
She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

10. She is not a 'TRAMP'
She is 'SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.'

11. She does not have 'MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS'
She is 'PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.'

12 She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER'
She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT'
He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER'
He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME'
He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING'
He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He is not a 'CRADLE ROBBER'
He prefers 'GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.'

6.. He does not get 'FALLING-DOWN DRUNK'
He becomes 'ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.'

7. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS'
He develops a case of 'RECTAL- CRANIAL INVERSION.'

8 He is not a 'MALE CHAUVINIST PIG'
He has 'SWINE EMPATHY.'

9. He is not afraid of 'COMMITMENT'
He is 'RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED.'

10. He is not 'HORNY'
He is 'SEXUALLY FOCUSED.'

11. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants
It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE '

Please use your best judgment when referring to these people,

so as to make it more comfortable for the rest of us.

The following is attributed to Bill Cosby

BILL COSBY HAS DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE IN CANDIDATE!

HERE IS HIS PLATFORM:

(1) 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language;  speak it or wait at the border until you can.

(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'

(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.

(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.

(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If
you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it.

(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.

(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life.

(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences. If convicted, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

(9) One export will be allowed; Wheat, The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the
American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.
>>
(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in congress.

(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes but a vote for me will get you better than what you have, and better than what you're gonna get. Thanks for listening, and remember to write in my name on the ballot in November.

God Bless America !!!!!!!!!!!

Bill Cosby!!!!!!!!

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