Looking for a New Job?
Consider My Work History
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.
I worked as a pilot but eventually got grounded for taking off too much.
Then I tried teaching but I couldn't make the grade.
I spent a few years as a Psychiatrist but everyone's problems drove me crazy.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
Then I tried to be a chef--figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
I was a pretty good eye doctor, but I could not stay focused on the job.
I worked a long time as a doctor.
I gave it my best shot, but I didn't have enough patients.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it never touched my sole.
The Energizer Battery Company hired me but then expected me to keep going, and going, and going...
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.
So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
Of course, I tried being a secretary, but it turned out not to be my type of work.
My years as an exterminator were pretty good, but I got tired of the rat race.
Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking even thought it kind of turned me on.
I was a gardener for a while, but I didn't grow with the job even though I was racking in the money.
My career as a comedian was a stand-up success, but the critics thought I was a big joke.
After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
You got any ideas? I'm opened for suggestions......maybe you have something that WORKS.....cause I don't!!
of the New Millennium
Shopping at the Workplace
From September 24, 1999 Wall Street Journal:
WHAT DO PEOPLE DO NOW TO GOOF OFF AT WORK"
Mailrooms now deliver as much or more personal mail items, like shirts from J. Crew and books from Amazon.com, than business mail items. The bestseller at PaineWebber and Chase Manhattan is the novel, "Hannibal." At Qualcomm in San Diego, diet books claim the best-seller slots. The answer to the question--what do people do now to goof off at work--is SHOP. Online shopping traffic does not surge at night, but rather in the middle of the day. Retail sales begin to gain steam around 9 a.m. and spike around lunchtime. According to one website, 65% of all orders are placed during working hours, with a significant falloff on the weekends. Employees interviewed for this article were not apologetic. Shopping online is no different than making a short personal telephone call. The time spent is a trifle. We work a lot of overtime, so we're entitled to a short break. My employer benefits from my shopping. I'm more productive when I take minibreaks to shop. And, even though employees are unapologetic about their shopping, they are wary about their browsing. Some workers have set up free personal e-mail accounts with Yahoo or Hotmail. Employees order things with instructions attached that say don't send order confirmation to this e-mail address, or don't contact until after 6 p.m. Some employees are adept at manipulating the maximize and minimize buttons. One site has installed a panic button that brings up a faux "business news" screen containing fake Dow Jones information. What are employers doing? Mostly ignoring the issue. Some companies have software that could filter the sites but are reluctant to use it because employees may have legitimate business-related reasons for visiting an e-tailer. What next? (The Wall Street Journal, Midwest ed., p. A1
Benefits of Humor in the Workplace
Ninety-six percent of the executives surveyed by Accountemps believed That people with a sense of humor do better at their jobs than those who have little or no sense of humor. Studies have also shown that people who enjoy their work are more productive and creative, in addition to experiencing greater job satisfaction. (Source: 301 Ways to Have Fun at Work)