Notable Quotables 1998

For the current year's quote of the week click here.

For the week of December 27, 1998

As New Year's approaches many of us review the happenings behind us and look ahead to the next year.  Sometimes we get caught in the process of looking back and looking ahead.   In honor of this process comes the following quote from former Vice President Dan Quayle in a May 1989 Los Angeles Times interview.

I have made good judgements in the past.
I have made good judgements in the future.



For the week of December 20, 1998

The following quote comes to us courtesy of Herb Caen from the San Francisco Chronicle.   He noticed the following sign in the parking lot of a fast-food restaurant.

Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only


For the week of December 13, 1998

This week's quote comes from the booklet "Group Insurance for 1-14 Employees," Consolidated Group Trust, The Hartford

Regardless of anything to the contrary in this booklet, if your medical insurance terminates for any reason including death, you...may elect within 30 continue such medical insurance...


For the week of December 6, 1998

With Winter upon us and weather being a concern as we plabn holiday travels, comes the following quote from the Arab News.

We are unable to announce the weather.  We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to the weather.  Whether we will be able to give you the weather tomorrow will depend on the weather.


For the week of November 29, 1998

This week former Senator Barry Goldwater slips on a talk show

Joey Bishop (talk show host): Would you like to become a regular on the show

Senator Goldwater: No, thank you. I'd much rather watch you in bed with my wife.

For the week of November 22, 1998

With politics in the  news here's a quote from former Vice President Dan Quayle

The best thing about rain forests is that they never suffer from any drought.


For the week of November 15, 1998

From Colin Baker, ITV

It's not so much a thankless task, it's more a job with no thanks.

For the week of November 8, 1998

With the elections having passed this last week the following quote reminds us of the motivation of our elected officials to get votes.
From R.B. Jordan III, lieutenant governor, campaigning for the Democratic nomination for governor of North Carolina, as reported in the Raleigh News and Observer:

I'm not going to come out with programs that will defeat me, no matter how I stand on that program, because I want to get elected.  There may be some programs that you believe in and I believe in that will not be campaign issues, because if they are, I won't be governor.



For the week of November 1, 1998

With the elections this week, our quote comes from the following political arena.   It is a classic politician's response to a direct question.  Here we have Mario Cuomo's   response to a reporter's question about his interest in a seat on the Supreme Court.

Cuomo:   If an offer [for a seat on the Supreme Court] were made, I would answer the question so swiftly that every one of you in the media, and especially talk-show hosts, would write, "This, surely, is the most decisive man in America."

Would you accept the offer?

Cuomo:   I don't know what the answer would be.


For the week of October 25, 1998

From the Chicago Tribune Newspaper comes the following headline:

Divorces are Fewer among Single People, Chicago Figures Show




For the week of October 18, 1998

With the start of the World Series, this week's quote is one from former Yankees Catcher, Yogi Berra.

You give a hundred percent in the first half of the game, and if it isn't enough, in the second half you give what's left.




For the week of October 11, 1998

This week we have two quotes for your enjoyment.

Although from France, the first quote represents the condition of our political system.

When his sworn alibi fell apart in court, Bernard Tapie, French politician accused of fixing a soccer match involving the team he owned replied:

I have lied in good faith.



With the baseball playoffs in full swing,  this week's second quote examines what upset players really say to umpires.

A headline in the Sarasota Morning Star stated:

Player Fined for Using Obscure Language to Umpire.



For the week of October 4, 1998

From the "what color is it really file," Bonnie Cunningham, design manager for colors for Ford, explains the Cougar's "pastel steel blue frost." (quoted in the Miami Herald Newspaper)

It's a very blue-green, almost blue, but it would still be classified in our terms as green.   When we were selling this color--because we had not had green in the lineup for so long--to get people comfortable with it we did not call it green, we called it blue.


For the week of September 27, 1998

This week's quote speaks for itself. 
I have received conflicting reports as to the authenticity of the following quote.  I have left it here pending further investigation.  If anyone has a reputable source to confirm or disconfirm, that information would be appreciated.

"Public media should not contain explicit or implied descriptions of sex acts. Our society should be purged of the perverts who provide the media with pornographic material while pretending it has some redeeming social value under the public's 'right to know'."
-- Kenneth Starr, 1987, "Sixty Minutes" interview with Dianne Sawyer.



For the week of September 20, 1998

With the Baseball season coming to an end this week we have two quotes from baseball.

This next quote is from Zane Smith, Boston Red Sox player, discussing rumors that he would not be on the postseason roster.

I'm not blind to hearing what everybody else hears.


Vin Scully, renown sportscaster, while on air broadcasting  a Dodgers-Astros game announced the following results of a Pittsburgh Pirates/Chicago Cubs game.

Today Pittsburgh beat the Pirates, 6 to 6!



For the week of September 13, 1998

The next quote comes from the Family Feud Show hosted by Richard Dawson.

Host Dawson: In what month does a women begin to show she is pregnant.

Game show contestant: September



For the week of September 6, 1998

This week’s quote is borrowed from fellow humorite, Karyn Buxman, who publishes "LiteBites". She reports the following quote from a memo from a long distance phone carrier:

“We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.”


For the week of August 30, 1998

This weeks quote pokes some fun at television programming. This quote is from a programming announcer.

Tuesday Night at the Movies will be seen on Saturday this week instead of Monday.


For the week of August 23, 1998

Shades of Democracy!! The following quote comes from Bill Craven, California state senator, discussing the increase in citizens' initiatives, in which petition signing is used to change laws. This quote was reported in the Los Angeles Times.

If we [legislators] don't watch our respective tails, the people are going to be running the government.


For the week of August 16, 1998

This week's quote comes from the Detroit News:

Q: How can you tell the age of a snake?

A: It is extremely difficult to tell the age of a snake unless you know exactly when it was born.


For the week of August 9, 1998

From former vice president Dan Quayle known for puzzling quotes comes the following:

It isn't pollution that's harming our environment. It's the impurities in air and water that are doing it.


For the week of August 2, 1998

From Rush Limbaugh, the conservative political commentator comes the following quote on "posturing."

I am not going to sit here and stand for those kind of insults.


For the week of July 26, 1998

From the history of entertainment and film comes the following quote from the actor Gary Cooper after he turned down the role of Rhett Butler.

Gone With The Wind is going to be the biggest flop in Hollywood history. I'm just glad it will be Clark Gable who's falling flat on his face and not Gary Cooper.


For the week of July 19, 1998

From the World of Sports sportscaster Ray French offers the following confusing anatomy.

And he's got the ice pack on his groin, so it's possibly not the old shoulder injury...


For the week of July 12, 1998

From the world of Politics comes the following

The following quote is from Mike McCurry, the White House Press Secretary, discussing whether or not President Clinton would veto a bill curbing securities lawsuits.

Some of our fiends are for it. Some of our friends are against it. And we're standing with our friends.


For the week of July 5, 1998

Here's a "now you see them now you don't" quote from Michael Aspel of British Radio 2.

Red Squirrels. . . you don't see many of them since they became extinct.


For the week of June 28, 1998

The following quote was from a statement read to a church congregation. It appears that the church has an alternative perspective on the organization of time.

There will be a procession next Sunday afternoon in the grounds of the Monastery; but if it rains in the afternoon, the procession will take place in the morning.


For the week of June 21, 1998

From the tag on an item of apparel from Wear Guard of Norwell, Massachusetts

Notice: This garment meets the general wearing apparel requirements of the Flammable Fabrics Act; however, it is flammable and should not be worn near sources of fire.


For the week of June 14, 1998

This week's quote comes from the archives of Former President Ronald Reagan when he was addressing the Iran Hostage deal.

"A few months ago I told the American People I did not trade arms for hostages. My heart and my best intentions still tell me that's true, but the facts and the evidence tell me it is not."


For the week of June 7, 1998

Our first quote comes from the airline industry.

This quote is from Frank Fickeisen, chief engineer for Boeing, replying to a complaint made by the American Airlines Pilots' Association about the dangers of flying two-engine airplanes across the Pacific Ocean.

"When you have two engines, you have two engines that can fall to bits. When you have four engines, you have four that can fall to bits. The less engines you have, the safer you are."


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Humor Matters™

Steven M. Sultanoff, Ph.D.
Mirthologist and Clinical Psychologist
3972 Barranca Pkwy. Suite J-221
Irvine, CA 92606