HumorMatterstm
Christmas
The Twelve Days AFTER Christmas
By Frederick Silver and shared by surfer Jennifer H.
The first day after Christmas, my true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down and burned it just for spite
Then with a single cartridge, I shot that blasted partirdge
my true love, my true love, my true love gave to me
The second day after Christmas, I pulled on the old rubber gloves
and very gently wrung the necks of both the turtle doves
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me
The third day after Christmas, my Mother caught the croup
I had to use the three French Hens to make some chicken soup
The four calling birds were a big mistake for their language was obscene
The five golden rings were completely fake and they turned my fingers green
The sixth day after Christmas, the six laying geese wouldn't lay
I gave the whole darn gaggle to the A.S.P.C.A
On the seventh day, what a mess I found
all seven of the swimming swans had drowned
My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me
The eighth day after Christmas, before they could suspect
I bundled up the eight maids a milking, nine pipers piping, ten ladies dancing, eleven lords a leaping, twelve drummers drumming (Spoken: "Well, actually, I kept ONE of the drummers" ) and sent them back collect
I wrote my true love, " We are through, love! "
And I said in so many words,
" Furthermore your Christmas gifts were for the birds! "
'Birds' is to be held out at a single high note while at the same time, quietly, in the background, the other singers sing the traditional: " Four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree." (That is the only time it's done traditionally, otherwise the entire song has it's own melody.)
It is such a crack up because it's done choir style, quite serious.
Keep checking back.
New humor added every week before Christmas
Jokes
Chrisnukah
Santa's Stats
Santa's Bad Day
Signs of Christmas
Santa's Prayer on Christmas Eve
Politically Correct Christmas Poem
Check
to see who's Naughty or Nice
Martha Stewart's Holiday Countdown
Santa Must Be a Woman & here's proof!
The Night Before Christmas--On the Internet
Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
Twas the
Nite before Christmas (A Lawyer's Perspective)
Twas the "Net" before Christmas (A
Computer's Perspective)
For Christmas humor that is of a mildly
"adult" nature click here.
For a listing of the "Twas the...
alternatives click
here
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