HumorMatterstm
Chrisnukah
Subject: Major
Merger
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the 15 Days of Chrisnukah, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of
translating to A great miracle happened there, the message on the dreydl will be the more
generic Miraculous stuff happens. In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to
use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their
gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three
hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for
Santa, even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos
were finally declared to be kosher. All sides appeared happy about this development
except for Santa's dentist. He then closed the press conference by leading all
present in a rousing rendition of Oy, Come all Ye Faithful
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