A Jewish Prayer for the New Year
May we get a clean bill of health from our dentist, our
psychiatrist, our ophthalmologist, our cardiologist, our gastroenterologist,
our urologist, our proctologist, our gynecologist, our podiatrist, our
plumber and the IRS.
May our hair, our teeth, our facelift, our abs, our honey cakes, and our
stocks not fall and may our blood pressure, our triglycerides, our
cholesterol, our white blood count, our weight and our mortgage interest
rates not rise.
May we find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere in the rush hour
in less than an hour and when we get there, may we find a parking space.
May we all relax about the third millennium of the common era, and
realize that we still have 239 years until the down of the sixth millennium
of the Hebrew calendar by which time the computer will be long since obsolete
and so will we.
May G-d give us the strength to get through this presidential campaign
and may some of the promises made be kept. May we believe at least half
of what the candidates propose and may those elected fulfill at least half of
what they promise and may the miracle of reducing taxes and balancing budgets
come to pass.
May we be awestruck by God's sense of humor as we realize that a
professional wrestler could have become president of the United States and
that an Orthodox Jew has risen to prominence in American politics while
remaining true to his Jewish roots. It is my belief that God's joyous humor
is the reason he really does not want us to touch our toes while exercising
or he would have put them further up our bodies; and, the reason so many of
us take up jogging is to hear heavy breathing again.
May what we see in the mirror delight us and what others see in us,
delight them. May someone, as well as God, love us enough to forgive our
faults, be blind to our blemishes and tell the world about our virtues.
May the telemarketers wait until after we finish dinner to call us. May
our checkbooks and budgets balance and may they include generous amounts
May we remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to our spouse,
our child, our parent, all of our significant others but not our boss, our
intern, our nurse, our masseur, our hairdresser or our tennis instructor.
And may the Messiah come this year, and if he does not, may we live as
if he has, in a world at peace, with awareness of God's love in every sunset,
flower, baby's smile, lover's kiss, and every wonderful astonishing beat of
our heart. May we smile and laugh throughout the year.