HumorMatters™ 
Warning: Halloween Humor May be Spooky
Do Not Spook unless you are spooken to!!
Spooky Riddles
Here are an assortment shared by friend and colleague Patty
What is the favorite health insurance for Goblins, Ghosts and Monsters?
Medi-Scare
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
Wrap!!!!!
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
What's a monster's favorite bean?
A human bean.
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand-witch.
Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
Anywhere where he can boo-gie.
What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
Ghooooul-ly
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
He didn't have a haunting license.
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no body to dance with.
Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
At the casketeria.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.
Where did the goblin throw the football?
Over the ghoul line.
Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
Because he is always a goblin.
What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
A toasty ghosty.
What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.
What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day?
Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
What is a vampires favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Who was the most famous ghost detective?
Sherlock Moans.
Who was the most famous witch detective?
Warlock Holmes
Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart
Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
Where do most werewolves live?
In Howllywood, California
Where do most goblins live?
In North and South Scarolina.
Where does a ghost refuel his Porche'?
At a ghastly station.
What do you call a little monsters parents
Mummy and deady
What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
A sour-puss
How do you scare a mummy
With a yummy dummy in a crash test crummy.
What do you get when you cross a pumpkin with a squash?
A squashed pumpkin pie.
Why do ghosts shiver and moan?
It's drafty under that sheet.
What instrument do skeletons play?
Trom-BONE.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He had no guts.
Why do vampires scare people?
They are bored to death!
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball?
Every night he turns into a bat.
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
What song does Dracula hate?
"You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders.
How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.
What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A grave problem.
Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
He has a bat temper.
Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
He had a fang-ache.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They all come out at night.
Who does Dracula get letters from?
His fang club.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
To stop his coffin.
Why does Dracula wear paten leather shoes?
Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.
How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
Give him screws.
What can't you give the headless horseman?
A headache.
Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life.
What is a ghosts favorite sale?
A white sale.
What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
A boo-tie.
What's a ghosts favorite desert?
Boo-berry pie.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulishfigures.
When does a ghost have breakfast?
In the moaning.
What do ghosts drink at breakfast?
Coffee with scream and sugar.
Where does a ghost go on vacation?
Mali-boo.
Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
Anywhere where he can boo-gie.
What do they teach in witching school?
Spelling.
Why does a witch ride a broom?
Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.
What do you call a witch's garage?
A broom closet.
What do you call two witches living together?
Broommates.
Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
What's the difference between a mummy and an Indian?
An Indian lives in a teepee, and a mummy lives in T.P.
Shared by Janet
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetite!
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centers
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.
What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?
Benjamin Frankenstein
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Ice Scream
What's a monster's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet
What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray
Did you hear about the unsuccessful vampire hunter?
He tried to kill a
vampire by driving a pork chop
through its heart because steaks were too expensive.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A BOO logna sandwich.
What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Don't spook until your spooken to.
What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?
An amoeboo!
How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
By blood vessels.
Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!
What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up
payments to his exorcist?
He was repossessed.
What is a ghost's
favorite TV Crime Show?
America's Most Haunted.
What is a witch's favorite TV show?
The HeX Files
How do canine scavengers in Africa find their way in the dark?
They use jackal lanterns.
What kind of monster do you have to look out for at the
Laundromat?
A washin' werewolf.
What do Skeletons say before eating?
Bone Appetite.
What do blondes and Jack-O-Lanterns have in common?
Both have blank expressions and are hollow inside.
Why did the Vampire get fired from the
Blood Bank?
He was caught drinking on the job.
Why do ghosts have so much trouble
dating?
Women can see right through them.
Why are Vampires Democrats?
They want Gore in 2000.
Why aren't there any famous skeletons?
They're a bunch of no bodies.
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos.
What happens when you goose a ghost?
You get a handful of sheet
For The Kids
Halloween Riddles
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
Wrap!!!!!
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best
friend!
What's a monster's favorite bean?
A human bean.
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand-witch.
Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
Anywhere where he can boo-gie.
What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
Ghoul
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
He didn't have a haunting license.
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no body to dance with.
Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
At the casketeria.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.
Where did the goblin throw the football?
Over the ghoul line.
Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
Because he is always a goblin.
What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
toasty ghosty.
What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.
What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day?
Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
What is a vampires favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
mas-scare-a.
Who was the most famous ghost detective?
Sherlock Moans.
Who was the most famous witch detective?
Warlock Holmes
Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart
Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
Where do most werewolves live?
In Howllywood, California
Where do most goblins live?
in North and South Scarolina.
Where does a ghost refuel his Porche'?
At a ghastly station.
Q.what do you call a little monsters parents
mummy and deady
what do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
sour-puss
how do you scare a mummy
with a yummy dummy in a crash test
crummy.
what do you get when you cross a pumpkin with a squash?
a squashed pumpkin pie.
Why do ghosts shiver and moan?
It's drafty under that sheet.
Q: What instrument do skeletons play?
A: Trom-BONE.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He had no guts.
Why do vampires scare people?
They are bored to death!
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball?
Every night he turns into a bat.
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of
the jelly doughnuts.
What song does Dracula hate?
"You Are My Sunshine" and
"Sunshine on my Shoulders.
How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.
What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
grave problem.
Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
He has a bat temper.
Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
He had a fang-ache.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They all come out at night.
Who does Dracula get letters from?
His fang club.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
To stop his coffin.
Why does Dracula wear paten leather shoes?
Sandals don't look good with his
tuxedo.
How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
Give him screws.
What can't you give the headless horseman?
headache.
Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life.
What is a ghosts favorite sale?
A white sale.
What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party?
A boo-tie.
What's a ghosts favorite desert?
Boo-berry pie.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulishfigures.
When does a ghost have breakfast?
In the moaning.
What do ghosts drink at breakfast?
Coffee with scream and sugar.
Where does a ghost go on vacation?
Mali-boo.
Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
Anywhere where he can boo-gie.
What do they teach in witching school?
Spelling.
Why does a witch ride a broom?
Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end
of the cord.
What do you call a witch's garage?
broom closet.
What do you call two witches living together?
Broommates.
Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and
unwind.
How much does
a Pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A buck an ear.
What do the birds sing on Halloween?
Twick or Tweet
Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
It's good for the bones
What was the witches favorite subject in school?
Spell-ing
Why did the mummy call the doctor?
Because he was coffin
What did the doctor give Dracula for his sore throat?
A coffin drop
What does a vampire fear most?
Tooth decay
Where did the vampire open his savings account?
At a blood bank
Where do mummies go for a swim?
To the dead sea
What is Transylvania?
Dracula's terror tory
Where does Dracula water ski?
On Lake Erie
Did you hear the one about the woman who spent all day and night learning how to cast spells?
She wanted to get witch quick.
Why was the monster athlete so happy?
He won a ghoul medal at the Olympics.
On what kind of street does the Mummy live?
A DEAD END
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