Definitions of Humor

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Thanksgiving is a traditional American Holiday where families all over the United States sit for dinner at the same time---Halftime


Ode to Thanksgiving

To our national birds
The American Eagle
The Thanksgiving Turkey
May one give us peace in all our states
And the other a piece for all our plates

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Thanksgiving Jokes

Turkey Riddles

Butterball Turkey Hotline

Being Thankful

Getting Along Like Cats and Dogs

Turkey Cartoon

Black November
(A Turkey's Lament)

Turkey Tan
Open Your Family's Eyes at the Table

Twas the Nite Before Thanksgiving

Twas the Nite of Thanksgiving

12 Reasons to be Thankful you Burnt the Bird!

Thanksgiving Top 10 
That Sound Dirty But Aren't
(Contains some sexual innuendo)

Value of Chocolate

Christmas Humor




True Stories From The Butterball Turkey Hotline,
where people call to get advice
how to cook a Turkey from the experts

* Thanksgiving Dinner on the run. A woman called 1-800-323-4848 to
find out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer
the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the
bird weighed. The woman responded, "I don't know, it's still
running around outside."

* Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn't
Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner in California
wanted to know how to roast a turkey for a vegetarian menu

* Then there's the time a lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough
for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get
any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

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The Silver Lining to the Burning Question
You Burnt the Bird?
A Dozen Reasons to Be Thankful!

  • Salmonella won't be a concern

  • No one will overeat.

  • Everyone will think it's Cajun Blackened.

  • Uninvited guests will think twice next year.

  • Your cheese broccoli lima bean casserole will gain newly found appreciation.

  • Pets won't pester you for scraps.

  • The smoke alarm was due for a test.

  • Carving the bird will provide a good cardiovascular workout.

  • After dinner, the guys can take the bird to the yard and play football.

  • The less turkey Uncle George eats, the less likely he will be to walk around with his pants unbuttoned.

  • You'll get to the desserts quicker.

  • You won't have to face three weeks of turkey sandwiches.

    Source: Craig Boldman and Pete Matthews, authors of Every Excuse in the Book: 714 Ways to Say "It's Not My Fault."

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    Turkey Riddles

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    What did the mother turkey say to
    her disobedient children?

    If your father could see you now, 
    he'd turn over in his gravy!
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Why do Pilgrims have trouble keeping their pants up?

'Cause they wear their belts on their hats!bomb2_ln.gif (615 bytes)

What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?

Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!!

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What is the Turkey's favorite black tie celebration?

The Butter Ball

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How does a Turkey drink her wine?

In a gobble-let

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How many turkeys does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one but it takes 5 hoursbomb2_ln.gif (615 bytes)

Did you hear about the X-rated turkey? 

It's served with very little dressing.

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What do you get when you cross a turkey, the beach, and Broomhilda?

A turkey sand-witch

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What kind of music did Pilgrims listen to?

Plymouth Rock!

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Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? 

The outside!

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Why do turkeys eat so little?

Because they are always stuffed!

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What did the turkey do in the Thanksgiving Day Parade? 

He played his drumsticks!

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The Turkey Popped Out of the Oven

The Turkey popped out of the oven
and rocketed in to the air;
It knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner
and burst with a deafening boom,
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor,
There was turkey attached to the ceiling,
where there had never been turkey before..
It blanketed every appliance,
it smeared every saucer and bowl;
There wasn't a way I could stop it;
that turkey was out of control.
I scraped and I scraped with displeasure
and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
That I would never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn't been popped.
written by Jack Prelutsky

Humor Matters™

Steven M. Sultanoff, Ph.D.
Mirthologist and Clinical Psychologist
3972 Barranca Pkwy. Suite J-221
Irvine, CA 92606